Thursday, April 30, 2009

Calendrical Conundrum

There's no astrological marker for days of the week. Did you know that? This troubles me, because, assuming days of the week were ordained by a literal six-day creation, (Don't ruin this with your serious doubts about a literal six-day creation. It doesn't change the conundrum.), we're only still on track if we kept up our count accurately for the past 10,000 years. That's 520,000 weeks. That's 3,640,000 days to have kept up with. It's easy now, because we have so many people keeping up with it. If someone sleeps through a day and thinks that Friday is Thursday, many people and newspapers can easily correct him. Not so easy when it was just two of them and maybe a few completely unaware children running around. I know from experience that a young married couple with a small child can lose track of a lot of time very easily.

Surely there was a day when Eve said, "Hey honey, did you feed the pterodactyls?" and Adam replied, "No, we feed them on Tuesdays." And Eve said, "But it IS Tuesday." And Adam said, "No, it's Monday." And Eve said, "Are you sure?" And she looked down at Cain for a little help, but he just paused for a minute to drool and then went right back to being overly aggressive with his pet velociraptor. And Adam (of course) said, "Absolutely I'm sure. I'm the man, and I never forget things like that." And Eve had no Washington Post with which to check his arrogant masculine omniscience.

The website that hosts this blog will timestamp this entry "Thursday." What if it's really Friday? What if the whole world is behind? I posed this question to my friend Jamey, and he said, "But Jesus rested on the Sabbath with everybody else, and He would know if it wasn't the right day." Then I pointed out that Jesus broke Sabbath a lot. What if this was because He knew it was really just Sunday? All the disciples just thought Jesus was prone to significant laziness on Fridays because it was the end of the tough work week. Maybe it's because he knew what day it really was.

MAYBE that's why Jesus could say with confidence that no one would know the day or the hour of His return, because He knew that even if they got it right, they would be a day behind, and He would come a day earlier and surprise the crap out of them anyway. He's got the odds fixed, because we're all walking around here thinking it's Thursday. It's really Friday, friends, and you're all deceived. But not me; I've got a friend in Australia, and he knows what day it really is. I called him last night, and I said "Hey Chris, what day is it?" He replied, "Thursday." I hadn't even told him my theory.


Anonymous said...

Nice. Did you write this at midnight and just publish it at noon?

Andrew Reed said...

I like you

Joshua Andrew Smith said...

Seth: I wrote it like a week ago and forgot to publish it until I saw it in my draft folder.

Andrew: Your donuts make me go nuts.